


Girl Scout Cookies vs. The Avengers

by quiverkaz



Category: Captain America, The Avengers
Genre: Fluff and good vibes for life, I have no idea where this falls in the MCU timeline, M/M, Nobody Dies, This is a tragedy-free fanfic, You are welcome, girl scout cookies, i proabbly got so many girl scout cookies-selling details wrong but, its been 14 years since i last sold a girl scout cookie so judge me, this is just a thing that happens okay, this is literally just my favorite characters from the avengers buying Girl Scout Cookies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 03:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10152977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiverkaz/pseuds/quiverkaz
Summary: Tony discovers a Girl Scout Cookie booth in front of the Avengers Tower, and general ridiculousness ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was like 10 pages and I spent 3 hours on it. I have a seven page essay for school due in 2 days and I've done jack-shit for it, so... Enjoy this semi-edited bullshit.

It had been a few decades since Bucky had had a Girl Scout Cookie, so when Tony walked into the lounge with an entire bag of them, he was thoroughly confused.

“The fucks with all the cookies?” Bucky asked as he peered into the bag at the multi-colored boxes sitting on the table.

Tony blanched at him for a moment. “You’ve never heard of Girl Scout Cookies?”

Bucky started to shake his head, but then paused, and his eyes grew wide in recognition of the name. “These are Girl Scout cookies now? Shit, I remember them being completely different.”

“Did someone just say Girl Scout Cookies?” Steve asked as he emerged from a side room. He caught Tony’s eye. “Did you get Samoas?”

Tony began unpacking the cookies. “I got every single kind they had. Samoas-” He threw a purple box to Steve, which he caught, and began opening with enthusiasm. “-Thin Mints, Tagalongs, Trefoils, Do-Si-Do’s-”

“Did I hear ‘Trefoils”?” a voice said behind them, and Nat emerged from the library. “Are the Girl Scouts back?”

“They sure are,” Tony said casually as he tossed her a box of the shortbread cookies. She glanced at Bucky after she caught them. He was shoving an entire pack of thin mints into his mouth. She decided not to make a dick joke about it.

“They set up shop right in front of the tower,” Tony continued as he nibbled on a gluten free Toffee-tastic. “One of the girls said she’d never sold more than 100 boxes, and wanted to beat troop 12006. So I decided to help them out. Smart girls. Maybe I’ll hire a few in 10 years or so, once all their business-learning is done,” Tony finished, in all seriousness.

“These are so goddamn delicious,” Bucky mumbled around the Thin Mints. He swallowed, and Steve offered an already ½ empty tray of Samoas. “I don’t remember them tasting half as good as this.”

Steve smiled gently at him, then turned back to Tony.

“Did they say how long they’ll be selling?” he asked, and Bucky plucked a coconut caramel chocolate cookie out of the package. His eyes went wide as he took the first bite, and he grabbed a handful more.

“A few weeks, I think,” Tony replied to Steve. “But their moving locations on saturday. Their troop leader is setting them up on some street in upper manhattan.”

Natasha’s face scrunched up like she’d smelled something awful. “All those highbrows with soy intolerances and sugar bans? The girls won’t sell a single cookie up there.”

Tony briefly raised his eyebrows in agreement and tapped his half eaten tagalong on the paper bag. “Hence all these boxes.”

They all sat around the lounge table, sharing the various types of cookies. By the time Clint came up the elevator, the bag that Tony had brought up was almost empty.  
“You guys will never believe who's out in fron-” Clint paused, his arms full of even more cookies, as he looked at them all. “I guess you would believe,” He finished, and dropped his bags on the ground to join them.  
“What kinds did you get?” Steve asked, eyeing Clints bags because he’d just finished the last box of Trios and needed more.  
Clint began pulling out a few of his spoils. “Well, I only like the Tagalongs and the Lemonades, so those are what I’ve got. Honestly, I bought too many. I don’t think I could eat them all so have at ‘em.”  
Bucky jerked his chin at one of the boxes Clint held. “Hand over the Tagalongs.”  
Clint squinted at the two already empty boxes next to Bucky, but decided not to question him. Super soldier metabolisms, he thought wistfully.

A half-hour later, Tony, Nat, and Clint were all lying on the floor in a cookie-coma. Steve sat leaning against the couch, his eyes glazed over as he absentmindedly nibbled on the last Thin Mint. Bucky was lying with his head in Steve’s lap, holding a handful of Savannah Smiles over his mouth at arms length and dropping them in one by one. He felt like vomiting, but knew that would go away soon. He was always hungry.

“You know what I’ve been thinking about?” Nat groaned, clutching her expanded stomach.  
“Your poor life choices?” Clint moaned, his voice muffled by the thick carpet. “Cause I’ve been thinking the same thing.”  
“No, not that.” Nat waved a hand tiredly. “Those girl scouts need to beat troop 12006.”

“What troop were they from?” Steve mumbled. His eyes were closed, and he had his head tilted back onto the seat of the couch, embracing the oncoming coma. Bucky was dozing off now, but his hand was still stuck up in the air waving around with one cookie remaining.

“19170,” Tony groaned, and wiped cookie-sweat off his forehead. His other arm was thrown over his eyes, as if opening them and seeing the empty boxes strewn around him would push his stomach over capacity.

“Troop 19170 needs to beat 12006,” Nat continued. “What would it mean about us, if they set up in front of our building and didn’t beat every other troop in New York?”

“Good point,” Tony said, waving a finger at Natasha.

“I dunno if I could even look at another Girl Scout Cookie,” Clint confessed. “But I’ll buy as many as I can for them to beat 12006.”

“Compishn,” Bucky mumbled incoherently.

Steve lifted his woozy head to look down at him in confusion.  
“Huh?”  
“What’d he say?” Clint mumbled, reaching up to adjust his hearing aids.

“Competition,” Bucky said again, more awake now. “Whoever of us buys more cookies from troop 19170 wins.”

“Wins what?” Nat said, lifting her pale, sweaty head off of the floor to look over at him, her interest piqued.

Bucky opened his outstretched hand, and the sugar-coated lemon cookie fell perfectly into his mouth.  
“More cookies,” he said simply, as he crunched away. And even though every one of them was incapacitated by cookies, they all knew they would want more later. And besides, they’d be doing it for a good cause.

*****  
When Steve went down to the girl scout booth the next morning, they had only 5 boxes left. They were situated an easy 100 feet away from the entrance of the Avengers tower, in which Stark’s employees filtered in and out of constantly, so he wasn’t surprised that they were almost out.

Both of the little girls, neither of them looking older than 9, gasped when they saw him approaching. “Its him its him!” The little brown-haired girl whispered to her troop member, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. They both stood up straight and still, and adjusted their sashes to look as professional as possible. They were business women, after all.

“Good morning,” They said cheerfully in unison as Steve reached the booth. “Would you like to buy some cookies?”

Steve was grinning uncontrollably at their enthusiasm.

“Why yes I would. What have you got left?”

The second girl, with thick black braids down her back, pointed at each of the cookies as she rattled off the names.

“You two really know your stuff,” Steve grinned. “I’ll take them all.”

The two girls beamed at each other, and made the transaction, while a woman who must have been one of their mothers sat back smiling and watching carefully.  
Just as they were piling the boxes into a paper bag for him, Sam, who had been away on a trip, came up beside the booth, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

“Got enough of those, Cap?” He quipped good-naturedly.

Steve looked around at the voice and smiled once he saw Sam. Sam was technically “Cap” now, but had yet to get out of the habit of calling Steve that name.

Steve grinned, glad to see that his friend, who had been away for two weeks on a mission in Spain, was back safe and sound.

“Hey! How was D.C?” he said carefully.

Sam shrugged, and smiled. The mission must have gone well. “Same as ever, dude.”

He turned to the two girls, who were both staring wide-eyed at him in amazement. “Looks like you ladies are running a fine business here. Will you be back tomorrow?”

Both of the girls looked dumbstruck to be in the presence of the current Captain America, but quickly found their voices, and one of them piped up. “Yes, sir! We’ll be back at 1pm.”

“I’ll have to come back then, and rely on this one’s-’ Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder “-cookies till then.”

“We’ll have plenty for you, then!” The girls said goodbye, and when Steve and Sam walked away, they turned to each other and began chattering with excitement.

*****  
When Steve and Natasha had explained the competition to Sam, he was all ready for it.

“Im gonna whoop each of your asses,” he said. He jerked his chin at Bucky, who was chowing down on a Trefoil. “Especially yours.”

“In your dreams, Cap,” Bucky replied, and shoved two more cookies in his mouth.

They were sitting amidst a pile of cookie boxes that Nat had purchased earlier that day. Sam looked around at all of them. “Shit, what are we gonna do with all of these cookies? We can’t eat them all.”

“Maybe you can’t,” Bucky said slyly.

“Yeah, well not everyone has a metabolism like yours and Steve’s.”

“Still bitter about that?” Bucky said, grinning.

“Shut it. Anyway, I was thinking that by the end of this, we’ll have a hell of a lot of girl scout cookies, so maybe we should give some to the towers employees, donate to homeless shelters and such.”

Nat hummed. “All the more incentive to buy more cookies. But, we all have to remember that we’re only purchasing boxes from troop 19170. We can’t let our girls down.”

“No way,” Steve said, grinning. He was already churning ideas in his head for winning, hoping that no one else had thought about it yet.

******  
When Tony went down to the Girl Scout booth the next morning, all of the cookies were sold out, and they were packing up their table.  
“Good morning, Mr. Stark,” said one of the girls, noticing him. He suddenly felt very self conscious. Most people only called Mr. Stark in business meetings. He’d just gotten out of his workshop, and was covered in oil and grease stains, wearing sweatpants and an old tank top. “Well, I’m surprised you recognized me, Taylor,” Tony said good-naturedly, shoving his hesitation aside. The girl beamed at him, glad that he had remembered her name. “You’ve only been out here, what-” he glanced at his watch, “30 minutes, and you’re all out of cookies?”  
Her friend, who was folding a cardboard box, paused in her work to asnwer him. “Yep. The pretty red-haired lady came down and bought every box we had.”  
Tony raised his eyebrows. He knew two pretty red-heads, but Pepper was away on a business trip, leaving only… “You mean Natasha?”  
The girl blushed furiously. “That’s the one.”  
“Alright. Well, congrats on the sales. I’ll be back tomorrow,” and he turned around and sprinted back into the building.

“You bought ALL of their boxes!?” Tony yelled after he got off the elevator and spotted Natasha. She was lounging on the couch like a cat, practically covered in Girl Scout cookie boxes.  
“Yes I did,” she purred, and crunched on a Thin Mint.

Tony sighed and looked away dramatically, then held out a hand. Natasha smirked, and tossed a pack of thin mints at him.

“This might be the best competition we’ve ever done,” she said as he turned to go back to his workshop.  
“It’s only fun if I win,” he assured her, before he disappeared in the elevator.

*****  
Steve pulled his hoodie down lower over his face as he walked along the crowded street towards the park. He’d gotten intel (via the Girl Scout website) that another booth belonging to troop 19170 was situated there. He was almost positive that no one else at home knew of this other location, so he could buy all of their boxes every day until the competition was over.

He finally got to the park, and glanced around for the booth. He spotted it, on a sidewalk next to a wide green field where park goers sat and enjoyed the sunshine. Steve would have liked to have done the same, but he was on a mission.

He took his hoodie off so he wouldn’t scare the girls, and laughed kindly at the amazed surprise on their faces when he told them he wanted to buy every cookie box they had. The dad who was supervising must have recognized him, even though the two girl didn’t and he stood behind the booth slightly slack-jawed.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he told the girls once he had paid them and they had piled the three large boxes into his arms.

“Hey, one last thing,” Steve said. He leaned over as far as he could holding the boxes. “Could one of you pull my hood up?”

The two girls giggled at the funny request, and one of them reached up to fit his hoodie over his head.

“Thanks! Have a good rest of your day,” and he awkwardly made his way back to Avengers Tower.

Natasha was gonna flip her shit.  
*****  
Everyone back at the tower was severely peeved at his haul.

Bucky hadn’t woken up that day in time to go down to the booth in front of the tower before Nat, Sam, and Clint had bought every box they had.

“So who’s in the lead?” Bucky asked casually. He didn’t seem too upset about being behind.

“I’ve got 88 boxes,” Nat said.

“71,” Clint pouted.

“38,” Sam said, sounding severely bitter about his position (but at least he was ahead of Bucky).

“87,” Steve said, looking smugly at Nat. “Better watch out.”

“How much does Tony have?” Nat asked, ignoring Steve’s taunting.  
“76,” Clint offered. “He told me when I went down to adjust my bow strings this morning. I think he’s still in his workshop.”

“Good, I hope he’s stuck there so I can win,” Sam said fervently.

“Better start baking your own cookies, then,” commented Bucky.

*****  
The next day, Natasha sat in the lobby of Avengers Tower, occasionally glancing through the glass windows at the sidewalk as she patiently waited for the girl scouts to set up their table.

They were just about done when Natasha saw Sam sneak out of a stairwell on the other side of the bustling lobby, and make for the exit. She quickly hopped out of her seat and walked quickly towards the exit ahead of him. He spotted her, and shouted “Hey!”

Nat shoved the glass doors open and speed-walked to the booth. She would have ran, but didn’t want to startle the young girls. She knew Sam was thinking the same thing, cause she glanced behind her and saw him angrily speed-walking after her.

“Good afternoon,” The two girls chimed, smiling sweetly at her.

“Hi, I need to buy every box you have,” Nat said quickly, right as Sam made it to the booth.

She heard him groan, and couldn’t look at him otherwise she’d laugh.

The two girl scouts were used to selling out at this point, and didn’t even blink an eye as they handed three large boxes over the table to Natasha. She exchanged a wad of cash, and waited patiently as they counted it out.

“Thanks, Black Widow!” They said. Nat turned and walked away, smirking at Sam behind the boxes she carried. He just shook his head at her in disappointment.

“We’re gonna kick 12006’s butt!” Nat heard one of the Girl Scouts shouted behind her, and Sam smiled in spite of himself.

While Natasha and Sam had been interacting with the Girl Scouts in front of the tower, Steve had snuck back to 19170’s park booth, being sure that no one from the tower was following him. He knew that they knew that he had a different source, and he didn’t want to share it with anyone.

 

When he got back with all 95 of the boxes that the girls had sold him, Nat almost killed him. They were both tied now.

“When do they stop selling cookies?” Clint asked.

“Friday, two days from now,” Bucky said, nibbling on a Tagalong.

“Fuck!” Sam yelled.  
*****  
Steve was almost to the girl scout cookie booth at the park the next day when he spotted a very recognizable figure chatting to the two girls at the stand as they filled almost a dozen paper bags with cookies. Steve’s jaw dropped open in disbelief.

“Bucky!” he yelled from ten yards away, astonished. The girl scouts and Bucky looked up and over at him, startled by his yelling. Bucky smirked at him knowingly.

“You fu-!” Steve immediately clamped his mouth shut before he could finish the word, almost having forgotten that the girls were watching closely. He stalked over to the booth, despising Bucky’s pleased grin.

“Hey, babe,” Bucky said, pecking Steve on the cheek. “Were you gonna buy some cookies? Too bad, cause I just bought them all off these wonderfully good business women right here,” he turned to beam at the girls, who beamed right back. The mother behind them blushed furiously.

Steve was speechless. “Don’t you “hey, babe me,” you backstabbing little-” he made to grab for Bucky, but Bucky dashed away into the field behind the booth, laughing maniacally. Steve sprinted after him.

“Get back here! You can’t just steal my cookies!” he shouted after Bucky.

“Then don’t be dumb enough to lead me right to them!” Bucky shouted over his shoulder. He zigzagged through a group of college kids throwing a frisbee around. Steve could hear the Girl Scouts laughing at the two of them. Bucky veered to the left of Steve, then hopped around to face him, beaming a big smile. Steve body-slammed Bucky into the grass. How dare he buy all of Steve’s cookies.

Bucky was still laughing underneath him, and although Steve had taken a considerable loss with Bucky buying his cookies, he couldn’t be mad. Not at all.

So he started laughing too.

Steve rolled off of Bucky and onto the soft grass as his laughter died down.

“I’d kiss you, you stupid idiot, if it weren’t for the girl scouts watching.”

Bucky huffed a dying laugh, and turned to look at Steve. “I know you would.”

“Can we go halfsies on the cookies?” Steve asked hopefully.

“No way,” Bucky scoffed, and he pushed himself up off the grass. “You’re still 15 boxes ahead of me, even with all the ones I just bought.” He held out his metal hand to help Steve up.

Steve sighed. “I know, but it’s Nat who I’ve got to beat. She’s probably bought their entire stock at this point.”

He began walking back towards the booth ahead of Bucky. Bucky smiled. Steve had a few blades of grass stuck to his ass.

“Who needs cookies when you’ve got cake,” Bucky said mischievously, only loud enough for Steve to hear. Steve spun around and winked at him.

“Don’t you have a transaction to complete?” He sassed back, and Bucky shook his head, wondering why he’d gotten stuck with such a mouth-off.

The Girl Scouts were still laughing in amusement at the two of them when they got back to the booth, randomly clamping hands over their mouths to stop their laughter so they could finish counting Bucky’s money and packing the bags.

“So how did you find the booth? Their website?” Steve asked curiously as they headed back to the tower.

“Yeah, I found out about it the same day as you, but you got to the booth first and bought them out before me. And-” Bucky paused to set his boxes on the ground. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and pulled up a tabloid article, with a picture of Steve in a grey hoodie carrying the boxes from yesterday.

“Captain Cookies,” Steve read solemnly, and shook his head. “You read tabloid articles about me?”

Bucky smirked as Steve handed the phone back to him. “You’re a whole lot more interesting in the tabloids,” he explained. “Captain Cookies.”

Steve dropped the box he was carrying and began walking back to the tower.

“You can carry those yourself!” He shouted over his shoulder, and laughed when he heard Bucky groan.  
*****  
The last day of the cookie sales, after Sam had bought the last box, the team had purchased a total of 1,311 boxes.

“226!” Nat proclaimed.

“208,” Sam shook his head, and pointed at Nat. “You kept getting to them before me! I’ve got duties, you know! I just couldn’t get to the booth before you!”

“215,” Bucky said.

“221,” Steve groaned.

“213,” Clint mumbled. “I was in the same boat as Sam, just couldn’t get to the booth before Nat.”

Tony stood up from his chair, waving a box of Do-si-does in the air. “Lady and gentlemen, you will be pleased to know, that I have 228.”

The ungodly screeching that emanated from Natasha made Clint pull out his hearing aids, while everyone else cheered and clapped.

“HA!” Steve shouted in Nat’s face once she had finally stopped howling, pointing a finger at her.

Nat ignored him and just glared at Tony.

“You better be happy that we’re doing this for purely unselfish reasons,” she hissed. “Otherwise you’d have your ass handed to you.”

“I am very sure of that,” Tony said, flippant yet serious. “And I talked to the Girl Scouts of troop 19170, and they said that troop 12006 didn’t even break 800!”

Natasha’s murderous glare dissolved into a pleased smirk, while everyone else cheered, and Sam pumped the air with his fist.

They all eventually fell silent, and looked around at the rows and piles and stacks of multicolored boxes around them.

“We’ve gotta get rid of these,” Bucky mumbled, cramming a cookie in his mouth. “I don’t wanna have to look at another Girl Scout Cookie ever again.”


End file.
